Left To Suffer
by ammyz1
Summary: Following TNOTD : what happens when the Doctor cant handle seeing his companion thrown into a hundred lives she cannot control, what happens when he feels she cant travel with him without being hurt anymore than she is, maybe just this once after she saves him he can return her to her own world and time to live out at least one life as a normal human girl.
1. Chapter 1

**After The Events Of TNOTD**

"but who is he" she asked looking at the back of a man she did not recognize, he was aged she could tell, and the way his shoulders seemed to be hunched told her that he carried guilt and regrets just like those the Doctor tried to keep a secret. All the secrets she now knew.  
she questions him, her Doctor, again and could see the stress in his eyes. he tried to explain but she wasn't listening anymore. His secrets his past physical forms were now reining down on her. she was far past exhausted she had kept quiet unlike Doctor Simian when she entered the Doctors time stream, she knew if she had screamed out it would have destroyed him.

But the pain was there every shred of her being ripped into a million pieces through 900 years and now her head ached she was holding onto the Doctors shoulder to keep herself upright but almost every word the Doctor said triggered memories from different lives she had lived and soon enough she had to give in, her legs buckling beneath her as her breath came short laboring her fight to stay conscious. she could feel her skin tingling and under that she could feel the burning, it singed her every cell causing a pain she longed to be gone, the longer she stayed in the time stream the more memories gathered and conjured, she wanted to cry out to the Doctor to stop the pain to stop her remembering but she knew she couldn't this was one cry for help unlike all her others she did not want the Doctor to hear, she couldn't allow herself to be saved by him, she couldn't allow him to ask about all the experiences she had. could let him know that all at once in this very moment she could feel her bones breaking, she could feel her energy being stolen from the weeping angels, how the Daleks had managed to hide her for years in torture, starving her, testing her, and physically abusing her for information, she could feel herself burning from when the Doctor blew up a spacecraft or planet. she could feel it all and it was far too much to allow the Doctor to know she could feel it.

**-Doctor-**  
"he is my secret" The Doctor said staring down the old man before him  
"what i did, i did without choice."  
"i know"  
" in the name of peace and sanity" the old man said turning to face his young self.  
"but not in the name of 'The Doctor'" The Doctor spoke evenly then turned away, he didn't want to see his future self nor think about what the future would be after the physical body he was now in ceased to exist. he had Clara to worry about, his Clara, his impossible girl.  
she was growing more pale with each moment she remained in his time stream and her breath was short barely raising her chest barely making a sound. he had to get her out of here, out of him, who he was, and who he will be.

The Doctor stepped out of his time stream holding Clara tightly, Jenny Strax and Vastra ran to him as he laid Clara gently on the floor of the overgrown Tardis.  
"Doctor whats happened? is Clara going to be alright" Vastra questioned coming to stand in front of him.  
"we need to leave this place, its not safe" was all he said before hitting a few buttons and pulling a lever  
"Doctor wut ya doen" it was Jenny who asked this time, lovely Jenny, who had died thrice and was now well again, he had to smile a little, he didn't know how Vastra would have survived without her wife, he must remind her later to thank Clara for that.  
"I've just created a shield around my time stream and put the Tardis into lock down, we have just minutes to get out of here before we're trapped for good." he explained returning to Clara's side rubbing his hands down his face.  
"Doctor are you alright? shall Strax carry her?" Vastra asked concerned for the Doctor, he himself looked pale and she could see him again growing week just like when they had first entered the console room.  
"yes sir, let me take the boy" Strax said stepping forward  
"girl Strax! she's a girl! and no don't touch her"  
he said moving forward and gently picking Clara up, they followed the Doctor out of the Tardis and through the grave yard, only stopping for a few seconds to look back as the giant Tardis let out a groan as she locked herself down.  
upon approaching the Tardis he had originally taken to Trenzalore he noticed how it had been waiting for them with its doors wide open a soft humm coming from within the console room. "didn't like seeing yourself old and decaying either i assume" he mumbled to the machine as she slammed her doors tight behind him.

**-Clara-**  
she was falling, falling through a million life times, chasing the Doctor, saving the Doctor, giving advice to the Doctor, watching the Doctor and dying in place of the Doctor. each time hurt more than the last. she had seen his past companions his past lovers, had only glimpsed his granddaughter, had seen Gallifrey had watched it end, had seen the darkest moments in the Doctors history had seen his most vulnerable, had seen herself time after time begging for his attention and being ignored or unnoticed.

it was all soo much too much, the pain both physical and mentally scared her. she awoke slowly begging her eyes to open but they wouldn't. she got her hearing back first hearing the slow consistent beeps of something moving above her, then she could feel, she was on something soft, a bed and a pillow beneath her head, there was a soft sheet laying atop her and something covering her face. 'oh god im dead! im in a coffin!' was her first thought why else would anything be covering her face. she again tried to open her eyes willing them to see. then she was sitting up with a start "im not dead, im not dead!" she had yelled out with panic grabbing around her at anything and everything.  
arms came around her quickly supporting her in her panic "Clara, Clara! shhh its okay your not dead, i promise" the bed dipped behind her and she could feel his chest against her back.  
she brought her hand up to her face and threw off the oxygen mask with quite a bit of force before releasing shuddering sobs and streams of tears onto the Doctors shirt sleeve.  
she had barely noticed Strax shutting off the little device responsible for making the beeping sound she had heard, she recognized it from a past life, almost like the Doctors sonic it took readings of life forms"  
Jenny had pulled Vastra out of the room to provide privacy and the Doctor was cooing softly in her ear doing everything in his power to calm her.

**-Doctor-**  
he had been speaking to a very concerned Vastra when he heard her shriek and within seconds he found himself holding her, running his hand through her tangled hair and kissing her forehead "your not dead, i promise" he whispered to her. he knew she'd wake eventually or at least had hoped but he had prayed to the gods that it would be nothing like this.  
seeing her this way in such a panic, so confused and hurt and lost was heart braking even more so than thinking he had lost her altogether, and he only had himself to blame for it, he had lost her twice before and was selfish in thinking that he could claim her a third time and now that he had he could only feel guilty that what she went through was worse than death. a human wasn't capable of holding 900 years of information yet here she was, Clara Oswald the impossible girl, alive and now so broken.

The Doctor held her for most of the night as she fell in and out of sleep in and out of memories that weren't hers but were. finally at the crack of dawn, based on the suns of Panama, the Doctor untangled himself from the girl carefully she stirred, her hand tightening her grasp on the Doctors shirt, with ease he untangled her fingers and rest her arm at her side. kissing her forehead he reluctantly left the room and rushed down the corridor to the console room pulling levers like a mad man. there was a light thump as Vastra Jenny and Strax all entered the room, questioning his sanity.  
"Doctor what are you doing?" Vastra asked walking further into the room  
"the Tardis needs recharging and repair and you needed to be returned home" he said easily again moving around the console looking at screens and pressing buttons.

"but Doctor.. Clara..." Jenny spoke up this time but was cut off  
"cl.. shes resting, she'll be fine" he hoped sounding almost unsure of himself. "Victorian London we've arrived to just inside your home, now before i leave i'd like for Strax to help me fix the old birds wiring if you don't mind" the Doctor continued keeping himself busy and avoiding all eye contact  
"of course Doctor... but you need to rest also please stay for a while, allow yourself to unwind, let Clara relax and clean herself up before you leave" Vastra pleaded she could see the Doctors torment, he was tired and guilt ridden and for the first time almost seemed more lost in what to do than shes ever seen him.  
"no we must go as soon as possible i have lots to do and we'll be fine on our own, wont be more than a day, i promise." he said before moving to the lower deck "Strax!" he called to the potato headed alien.  
"yes sir" Strax was beside him now, for one who seemed to at most points have no filter he had been very quiet and quite helpful in paying medical attention to Clara and staying out-of-the-way.  
"i need you to rewire the consoles barriers and gravity field, i was able to get her back here but she wasn't the only one beat up on our escapade" the Doctor spoke quietly looking at the mess he made of his precious blue box.  
"yes sir" Strax replied with a salute and got to work pulling out chunks of broken metal and wires that had melted in the Tardis' fight to avoid Trenzalore.  
"and Strax.. thank you for helping with Clara" the Doctor said quietly with a small smile.  
"of course sir" Strax said turning to the Doctor and bowing to his master before getting back to work eagerly.


	2. Chapter 2

**~Alright here is chapter 2 of Left To Suffer, this is my first fic ever released to the public so me kind but also helpfully critical, i know there's hundreds of stories following the name of the doctor but oh well one more isnt going to kill anyone. i know its starting off slow but it will get better. let me know if you find there to be too much or too little detail and thanks for reading!~**

**Chapter 2**  
The Doctor returned to Clara's room a small bowl of hot pea soup in hand, he remembered it being Clara's favorite when she was ill. He was surprised at how easily he knew his companion in the small amount of time they had know each other, but he did in fact know everything about her, from her favorite color down to her shoe size, and now she knew everything about him. He shook that thought away as he approached her bed calling to her quietly

"Clara... Clara...wake up my dear" he caressed her cheek with his fingers drawing a moan from the girl "Clara try to sit up.. slowly" he said in a soft voice putting the bowl down and lifting her slightly so he could sit on the bed behind her, she still hadn't woken fully so he allowed her head to rest on his lap as he moved her bangs from her eyes and stroked her hair, kissing her temple softly.

**-Clara-**  
Clara opened her eyes slowly taking in her surroundings, she tilted her head and smiled when she seen the Doctor looking at her with a soft smile "hello Clara, fancy some pea soup?"  
"Doctor where am i?" she said lifting herself up slowly with a lot of help from the Doctor.  
"your in the Tardis Clara, in your room, she made it for you" the Doctor explained looking around proudly at his time machines work. The dark wood writing desk in the corner, the book shelf's that layered the wall opposite to it, the small fire place and the soft colors similar to the ones in her room at the Maitland residence.  
"oh.. didn't think it liked me enough" she said looking around the room herself.  
"well you did help pick out the Tardis, i think that gained you some respect" he said with a smile shuffling his body so his feet laid on either side of where Clara sat, supporting her more fully, as she was still so very week.  
"i did?" she asked in confusion closing her eyes as her headache increased trying to sort through the memories of doing so.  
"you don't remember?" the Doctor asked surprised  
"no.. i mean yes... i do, its just.. a lot to remember" she said in a low voice with her eyes still closed tight bringing her hands to her head trying to fight through the migraine that felt like a rattling in her brain.  
"Clara lean back" the Doctor instructed and she did so leaning on the Doctor to keep her up right. "are you alright?"  
"my head hurts..." she said quietly, her hands still pressed to her temples, the Doctor hadn't realized how much her head hurt at that moment till he seen a single slow tear roll down her check.  
"sorry i shouldn't have said anything" he said guiding her head into the crook of his neck, guilt evident in his voice.  
"no its fine" she said wiping away the tear quickly and taking an unsteady breath not noticing she had been holding it previously.  
"here, let me, just relax" the Doctor said softly moving her hands away and rubbing her temples softly in a circular motion. At first he felt her tense up but then he could feel her relaxing little by little until he heard her sigh in relief. "better?"  
"mhmm" she mumbled about to drift off again, the Doctor was so tempted to allow her to rest but he knew humans had to eat more frequently than himself and it had been 2 days now since Clara would have had her last meal, actually it would have been more of a snack if he recalled the banana she had eaten for breakfast after she had found him walking around like in idiot playing 'blind-mans bluff' with the kids who had actually snuck out to the cinema.

The kids, they would never forgive him if he had been responsible for their governess' death.  
"Clara.. darling... i know your tired but you need to eat something, i have hot pea soup" he said sitting up a bit as he had been lain back against the head bored with Clara resting on his chest.  
"to tired.." she mumbled her face wincing a little  
"i know but just a little than you can rest i promise" he encouraged pulling out his sonic and pointing it at the now cold soup to heat it up, he brought the bowl to her chin so she could smell it "just a couple spoon fulls it will make you feel better" he said picking her hand up and placing it on the spoon.  
she lifted the spoon shakily and slurped it, her arms felt so heavy that when she returned the spoon to the bowl it caused a loud clatter making her jump slightly, frustrating her further for not even being able to hold herself up and she groaned her dismay. She hated this, hated being helpless hated being so weak and in so much pain, though she would not admit it to the Doctor. She had never been this way, nowhere close to ever being this dependent on someone, she was so use to taking care of everyone else even her Doctor.

"Shhh its alright, here let me" he said supporting her head in the corner of his elbow while he spoon fed her.  
She refused at first, the small spoonful in her stomach feeling like a ton of bricks turning her head away as much as she could and causing it to rattle her brain even more. another tear slipping.  
"please Clara just a few bites, for me?" the Doctor pleaded helplessly watching his impossible girl struggle to eat let alone stay conscious.  
she let out a breathy sigh and opened her mouth swallowing the soup he poured into her mouth.  
"that a' girl" he smiled feeding her the soup.  
Clara repeated the motion open swallow, open swallow until she no longer had to tell her brain and it became a natural instinct again, it didn't take long for the task of eating to tire her out and as she started to drift she forgot to swallow the soup still in her mouth causing her to choke and sputter when she went to breath through her mouth, she was forced forward and the Doctor rubbed her back, her throat raw from coughing.

"Oh god Clara are you alright?" the Doctor panicked leaning her forward worry evident in his voice.  
she nodded falling back into him and taking a few deep breaths.  
"right enough soup for now then, time for you to rest" he said covering her with a light blanket allowing her to rest on him, he was afraid to let her lay flat in case the soup came back up.

It didn't take Clara long before she was travelling down memory lane, she remembered watching the Doctor say goodbye to rose, she remembered standing behind a tombstone watching a stone angel as the Doctor broke down after it claimed Amy's life, River had gotten the Doctor up and into the Tardis but had Clara not been there watching the stoned angel it would have claimed him and River also. Instead it claimed her once the Tardis disappeared, she lived to be 73 in that lifetime left alone in a room waiting for death as the angels used her energy.

She awoke to a soft knocking on the door "sir i have finished with the Tardis" it was Strax, he had peeked his head in and was waiting for further instruction.

"good.. good thank you Strax, please tell madam Vastra and Jenny that we will be leaving shortly" the Doctor responded looking at the potato who could seem ruthless at times but was a great friend both soft and loyal when it came to the Doctor.  
"Doctor... i want to shower" Clara's voice gained his attention at her hoarse request looking up at him with big brown pleading eyes.  
"Strax please tell madman Vastra and Jenny that before we leave i ask there assistance to help Clara get cleaned up" he added without taking his eyes off of Clara, they had gained some color back she wasn't as pale, still pale but no longer pale like a corpse.  
"yes sir" Strax bowed out to deliver the message  
"how are you feeling?" the Doctor asked softly  
"im fine" Clara replied trying to sound more confident than she felt  
"liar" he said bending and kissing her forehead "always trying to be stronger than you need to be" he sighed  
she didn't answer she didn't want to admit how true it was and how easily the Doctor seen through her facade. Suddenly there was a low knock at the door.

"come in" the Doctor called he was still looking down at Clara and she at him  
Jenny cleared her throat "sorry Doctor, Strax said you required our assistance?"  
"yes, Clara would like a bath but she's still too weak to do it on her own" he said now looking at the two, Vastra stood a foot behind Jenny shocked at how intimate the two looked lying together until he moved swinging his legs off the side of the bed, he helped Clara to sit up with him pulled her up to stand with him.  
she was using every muscle and every bit of will power to stand next to the Doctor but as he took a small step away her legs started to give out, he caught her easily picking her up "sorry" she whispered wiping away tears of embarrassment.  
"hey now don't cry everyone needs help now an then, i needed help and you were there every time im just returning a small portion of what i owe you, okay?" he said holding her tightly and kissing her head looking through his lashes to see Vastra's understanding before she rushed into action.

"bring her into the bathroom Doctor, Jenny start the water my love"  
"yes ma'am" Jenny replied moving ahead to start water in the tub.  
The Doctor carried Clara into the big en-suit she hadn't notice previously, over Clara's head he mouthed a thank you to Vastra as he sat Clara down on the lid of the toilet. He could see that she was already exhausted from just trying to stand and there were dark circles imprinted under her eyes, she had gone quiet and didn't complain as the Doctor helped to support her while Jenny unzipped the back of her dress and removed her tights, her arms dangled in front of her while her eyes fraught to stay open.

"Clara are you sure your up for this dear?" Vastra asked taking her hands concern evident on her face.  
The cool scales on Vastras hands felt nice, she lifted her head off the Doctors arm that it had been resting on "i need this" she said brokenly, not only did she feel dirty and a mess she needed time to process... away from the Doctor.  
He was watching her like a hawk and she appreciated it and valued the time together but every time she remembered something or cried or reacted to the pain she seen his face, full of guilt and self resentment. she needed time to allow those feelings to come to the surface without him seeing, without it inflicting more hatred for the Doctors self and the only way he was going to leave her is if there was someone else to watch over her, that much she knew.

**-Doctor-**

"i understand" Vastra said standing upright again "lift your arm dear" she told Clara.  
Clara obeyed however she could only lift them as high as her shoulders.  
"Jenny"  
"yes ma'am, up we go Clara" Jenny said helping Clara to lift her arms above her head as Vastra lifted her dress off her body.  
The Doctor looked away but wasn't able to stop himself looking in the mirror, Clara had scratches on her back and a big bruise around her shoulder blade 'just how far did she fall in my time stream to land hard enough to gain bruises and scratches on her back' he thought examining the rest of her from behind. He could see her spine and rib cage and had to remember just how fragile humans were in comparison to time lords. He hardened his face and focused on the task at hand.  
"alright place her in the tub.. slowly Doctor" Jenny directed  
"but.. "  
"but what Doctor?" Vastra asked confused why he would be stalling  
"she still has her knickers on though"  
Jenny and vast both gave him the same look with one eyebrow raised and horribly hidden smirks on their faces  
"down boy" Clara said with a small smile her eyes closed and resting  
"i didn't mean.. oh shut up!" he said turning his head away and hardening his hold on her. However, the small laugh he received from Clara was a lifetime of bliss and he couldn't help but allow a smile to spread across his face at the sound "OK here goes, are you ready?" he asked looking down at her.

**-Clara-**  
"yup put me in chin boy" she said looking at him with a smile, as he slowly lowered her into the tub she couldn't help but sharply gasp at the feel of the water, causing the Doctor to quickly lift her out.  
"is it to hot miss Clara?" Jenny asked  
"no no its fine i promise, be good for the muscles, just put me in Doctor then out you go" she said nodding her head.  
The Doctor lowered her again, this time when she reached the water she took a breath in then nodded for the Doctor to lower her into the water completely, once in and the Doctors hands no longer supporting her she sighed in relief "thank you" she whispered laying her head back against the tub.

With her eyes closed she heard the door close quietly she sat for a few minutes before sighing again and removing her panties then laying back again taking a minute to gather her strength again  
"here deary let me" Jenny said helping her to lean forward and unclasping her bra.  
"i just hate letting him see me like this, it hurts him so much" Clara finally spoke letting her tears flow freely, allowing all her pent up frustration and guilt and pain go.  
"Clara the Doctor cares for you deeply but you did him a great honor, no one has ever shown the Doctor such devotion and love, and he appreciates it more than anything in the universe. what you did for him... what you sacrificed is more than he would ever ask of someone and if he was able he would have stopped you on the spot." Vastra explained understanding herself why the Doctor cared for this girl. "without you the Doctor would have ceased to exist, Strax would be dead, Jenny and i would have never met and she'd be dead also, along with myself and so many planets and people, we all owe you so much Clara, the Doctor may have saved us but only because you saved him" Vastra went on.  
"i know i understand, im happy i was able to help" Clara said resting her head again a few minutes "i guess i should wash up before the Doctor becomes impatient" Clara said looking to the shampoo.  
"you take yer time miss the Doctor can wait as long as you need" Jenny said with a smile as she began filling a jug with water and dumping it over Clara's hair washing it for her.

It was quiet for a long while aside from the direction to lift her arms or legs.  
"it hurt" Clara suddenly said her eyes resting another wave of fatigue hitting her.  
"what did dear?" Vastra asked  
"falling into his timeline, being ripped into a million pieces, and dying over and over again, then hitting the bottom" she explained yawning  
"hitting the bottom of what dear?"  
"the bottom of his time stream, seeing the Doctors running in every direction, it hurt. I could feel every inch of me being ripped away, an then the deaths, my many families mourning, the train hitting me the stabbings and hitting the ground from a cloud, the men who... did things. i could feel everything... and it wont go away... i feel like i don't know who i am anymore" Clara was looking to Vastra for help, a way to cope, begging for some kind of answer that would release all her pain.

"have you told the Doctor Clara?" asked Vastra in all seriousness  
"no i could never, he didn't even see me in half of his lives, it would destroy him." Clara answered as she leaned forward against Jennys arm as Jenny washed her back. "but i know he knows im hiding things i see the way he looks at me when i wake up from dreaming about them, he looks horrified, terrified to ask me what i remember"

"Clara your a good woman the Doctor is lucky to have you. There's some things you will need to share with him or he'll just imagine what he doesn't already tenfold worse. But the dreams will lessen your minds still adjusting any other person would be dead had they absorbed over 900 years of memory, the human mind isn't programmed to work that way, you being alive is a true miracle."  
"yes that's true... i suppose i should be grateful, thank you.. both of you for helping me get cleaned up and listening, you truly are great friends" Clara said with a small smile bringing her hands up to wipe her face with the water. "i think im ready to get out"  
Vastra and Jenny smiled at each other before Jenny moved to get some towels from the cupboard under the sink as Vastra pulled the plug "alright deary just put your arms around our necks and we'll hoist ya up an on the toilet" Jenny said getting into position.  
Clara nodded using all the strength she had to help stand and step out of the tub, she did feel better and more relaxed but by the looks of things she wouldn't be running out on adventures any time soon, her stomach still felt uneasy, as if something wasn't quite right yet, aside of course all her memories being jumbled.

she was helped to dry off and dress in comfortable sweats she had left in the Tardis previously for long adventures and a tank top, the cool air felt nice, she then brushed her teeth while Jenny got the Doctor to come carry her to bed.  
she was propped up on some pillows and thanking Strax for all his help causing him to blush a little if that was even possible for an alien to do. "Doctor, i think i might be able to stomach something now, maybe a tea and some grilled toast?" she asked smiling at how his eyes had lit up at her request for food clearly pleased she was showing signs of improvement.  
"grilled toast! im on it!" he exclaimed running out, everyone said good bye to her once again as they left knowing the Doctor was anxious to get Clara back to her own time to relax and recuperate in an environment of her own.

The Doctor was back within minutes a smile plastered on his face as he carried in a tray full of grilled toast and tea "here ya go" he said setting the tray down on the night table and placing a plate on Clara's lap.  
"over did it abit, didn't ya" Clara laughed as she picked up a piece and took a bite.  
"you can never have enough grilled toast Clara"  
"ha-ha well pop up then and help me eat it, yeah?" Clara said taking another bite, it was still abit heavy in her stomach but it tasted good enough, they ate in comfortable silence for abit which was odd for the Doctor Clara noted studying him.  
"what?" the Doctor asked noticing her stare  
"Doctor are you alright? i cant help but feel there's something your not saying" Clara asked handing him her plate to put aside.  
he gave her a dismayed look put took her plate anyways "im fine Clara more than fine, pleased i am here at all"  
"but you'd tell me if there was something right?" she asked yawning  
"of course" he replied with another small smile though his eyes were repeating the phrase 'secrets keep us safe'. she didn't push further, clearly he was hiding something put she didn't want to put off his good mood and instead snuggled down into her blankets ready for bed and already drifting off.

The night was again uneventful flooding her dreams with more memories and three times she had woken screaming in tears. The Doctor holding her every time and cooing her back to reality, well the current reality.  
she had woke a fourth time with abit of a jump but she kept quiet taking in her surroundings to calm the panic in her mind. She was watching professor song and the Doctor at a very intimate moment when a woman pale as a ghost with odd marks across her body, almost like tattoos, and a nose that jutted from her face like a pig tried to shoot at them with a weapon similar to a bow an arrow, however this arrow had thorns, Clara had no choice but to intervene taking the shot to the chest, she was whipped to the ground and screeched at, literally screeched at before the woman cursed her in a tongue Clara did not understand.  
The woman was about to try for another shot but somehow Clara knew the moment the Doctor and River were having was too important to allow not to happen and so with much pain she removed the arrow like stick from her stomach and ran at the woman impaling her in the throat, not where Clara was aiming, she hated killing things, but it stopped the woman. The two of them sunk to the ground the woman unmoving and no longer breathing, unlike Clara who was trying for every bit of air her lungs could take.  
She watched as the Doctor, her Doctor, kissed River with so much emotion that she had to use every last bit of effort to turn her head away, she watched as the odd woman began to turn to golden dust and the wind drift it away before she herself closed her eyes for the last time.

As Clara lay staring at the Doctor as he lay beside her asleep she couldn't help but notice how tired he actually looked, how the stress lines of the last few day had made themselves a permanent place on the corner of his eyes and the dark circles that rest underneath them.  
She decided not to wake him, he needed rest and to be quite frank she didn't want to tell him what she had saw. So she lay awake staring at the ceiling letting her emotions work themselves out, her head was pounding and her eyes were burning from the tears but still she lay there quiet, sure not to make any sound or movement that would wake the Doctor.

Should she carry on travelling with the Doctor? should she tell him that it was all beginning to be too much and she needed to return to her home in London permanently? should she tell him how she really felt about him? she didn't know.  
The night had been long and soon enough the headache and memories were assaulting her to the point where she was unable to keep the room steady, she tried to keep her self upright but when her head lulled to the side it made impact with the Doctors, quite hard too, as he had jumped awake rubbing his head.

-Doctor-  
He was about to turn on Clara and ask what the meaning of her rude waking call was when he caught site of her. She was pale and her breath was short but then she would holdit and her body would jerk "Clara.. whats wrong?" he was panicking again standing and leaning over her.  
"bathroom... quickly" she managed bringing her hand to her mouth  
"uh bathroom okay yes.. bathroom" he scooped her up and made quick to the bathroom with her  
"floor" she said her head lolling every which way in the crease of his arm  
"floor okay floor, not quite following you dear what about it" he was rambling trying to figure out what she had meant  
"floor" she said a little louder as her body jerked again.  
"okay, you want to be out on the floor, odd request.."  
"Doctor!" she spat out cutting him off, he sat her up against the tub on the floor his hands on her forearm holding her up.  
"cla..." he had started before she pushed his arms away and pulled herself over the bowl of the toilet making horrible wrenching sounds.

The Doctor was shocked he had no idea what was happening but it didn't take long for him to pull her hair back away from her face to avoid an unwanted substances clinging to it. The scene was horrible to watch, the Doctor couldn't stop it from happening and he couldn't leave her so he just sat with her, supporting her body from slinking to the floor until she was done. It killed him to see her so sick, so unable to hold herself up or get a proper breath of air between bouts of sickness. He found an elastic on the floor, probably from earlier and did his best to tie her hair up, then pulled an empty garbage bin closer to where they sat. Finally the sounds stopped and Clara's head lay on the bowl as she tried gasping for air between hiccups, slowly her body began to sag again towards the floor but not before the Doctor was able to catch her and sit her between his legs her head resting against his shoulder, she still seemed disoriented as the Doctor took a cloth laying on the tub and dampened it using the tub faucet to place on her head, only knowing the ritual from what he saw years ago when Amelia had become ill from drinking to much and Rory left to care for her.

Seeing her like this was tormenting, this is no way to live, her brain was trying so hard to adjust to all the changes, the large amount of memory and knowledge she now held wrapped up in this beautiful mind. Yes it was beautiful, but not use to using so much at one time, that's not how humans functioned. Realistically the human brain only uses 10% of itself when it comes to storing memories, problem solving and general knowledge building, now it was being forced to expand and in response it was using the space in which allowed the brain to function sending sensory responses to the nervous system, digestive system and circulatory system. Its not that she was ill but rather that her cells went carrying enough information to instruct her body to continue functioning as it was before, soon enough the different organs would shut down if he didn't figure something out... and fast.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Hello Lovelies im sorry it took sooo long to update ive work the last 3 weeks going on 4 weeks straight with zero time off, hope you like it :)**

The Doctor was horribly worried about Clara, he sat with her until the early hours of the morning on the bathroom floor, holding her hair back, dabbing the sweat on her forehead and rocking her back and forth as a means of comfort. Having her ask for grilled toast earlier the day before had been a blessing, he had thought, that she had started to recover but he hadn't been more wrong. And for once he was terrified to travel to the future, terrified that if he did that he would see himself standing alone without yet another deeply cared for companion.  
That morning the when Clara's sickness seemed to die down and she was exhausted enough to fall into a deep sleep with only small moaning sounds here and there, the Doctor spent some time in the library researching past events in which a time travelers time stream may have been exposed, it had happened once or twice before however no time lord, human or creature for that mattered have ever entered another's time line. To be quite frank it was almost irritating. He wished River had never confronted him, that she was still here to tell him what to do, but she wasn't and now she was gone for good, another loss he had yet to mourn due to the circumstances.

After much consideration and further research and scans of Clara's vitals the Doctor left himself one choice, he must induce Clara into a coma until her mind was able to learn to function and expand without the added stress of being conscious. To be honest he didn't know if she would wake up from this one but he would have to try, he would give her another days rest and time with her before setting his plan into motion, he took books the Tardis had moved to the front shelf of the library beside the door regarding how to place a feed tube and its proper function, how to bath, care for and change a person in the comatose state and of course an extensive book of the human anatomy to further familiarize himself with the human being, not that after his thousand years he did not know this stuff already, but a refresher study session to be sure wasn't out of the question, he couldn't let Clara down, she was counting on him and him on her.

The Doctor was a fast reader and by mid day he had Claras room all set up, an oxygen mask by her bed along with a drip tube and IV stand to ensure she was well comfortable and getting the nutrients and carbs the human body needed to survive, he had a life support machine by her wooden desk in case she ended up falling into distress and he had sent Vastra a telegram telling her he would need Strax's assistance for the next week or so.

standing by the control panel he was hitting buttons and connecting the camera feed he had installed, he realized this was something he could program the Tardis to do and in a blink of an eye would be done, but that didn't seem good enough. This was his Clara, his impossible girl and if he wasn't doing it he'd feel useless, giving his own distress, worries and mourning time to surface and right now that wasn't an option, this was Claras time. It was all about her, keeping her safe and alive and until she was well or at least well on the way to recovery and coping, he would not allow himself to focus on him self.  
It occurred to him that in reality he was a very selfish man as many of his opponents had put it, but he was so in a way that every friends he had made understood it, had no problem with it or didn't even recognize it, he wondered what Clara would have thought of that.

It was nearly midnight in Victorian London when the blue telephone box that is the Tardis appeared on a cobbled street, he greeted the fresh autumn air with gratefulness, this was the Doctors favorite time of the earths seasons, he just hoped this season would not end before he could share it with Clara. with a quick rat-a-tat-tat the door swung open to an ivory face.

"Jenny" the Doctor gave a small smile.

"ah Doctor we thought it was you. where's miss Clara?" she asked looking about

"well my Victorian maid that's why im here" he answered sadly walking into the house that was both new and old. he walked into the room off the parlor where Strax and Vastra sat bickering over the use of weaponry in the house.

"ah Doctor! welcome, hows Clara?" Vastra greeted upon seeing the Doctor.

"not well im afraid, it's why im here. as per my letter ill be needing Straxs' assistance in caring for Clara, i thought she was getting better but apparently i was wrong." he answered angrily in a low voice standing beside the fire-place arm resting on the mantle as he played with the fabric of the untied bow-tie hanging on his neck.

"this sounds quite serious, whats happened to her?" Vastra said putting her drink down and sitting with her shoulders back focusing on the Doctor.

"it appears her brain still isn't able to cope with the mass amounts of my history and as such her mind is using all its power to organize and find space to store it all. causing it to no longer be able to function under normal human circumstances."

"but Doctor what does that mean?" Jenny spoke up again confusion written all over her face.

"it means Jenny that Claras brain no longer has the processing power to send messages to other systems of the body, you know telling the heart to beat or the lungs to inhale and exhale, to swallow and digest, to breath and move and talk and see. slowly... slowly she is dying, all her major organs will eventually shut down because they do not have the brain telling them what to do and slowly she will become just another echo in my life. all because i was too selfish to live one of her lifetimes without me." the Doctor finished quietly staring at the floor taking in the truth of all he just shared.

"Doctor.." Vastra was shocked she didn't know what to say at the Doctors emptiness. however just his name seemed to jolt him back into reality.

"but that's not going to happen! because she's here and shes under my protection and i wont let her die again! its too late to change the past but i can change the future and the future involves Cara! so this is the plan! are you listening Strax'ey old buddy old pal? because this is what were going to do! i am going to induce Clara into a coma, she'll be hooked up and all sorts to the medical thingy ma bobs humans use to keep people alive while they recover or get old in hospital. then i am going to organize Clara's mind, put all that jumbled timey-whimey stuff into order for her so she doesn't have to do it, then im going to increase the speed her normal human brain works at by a fraction of a percent and last but not least i am going to increase the amount of space the brain uses from 10% to 12%. eyy! what do ya think pretty clever of me eh!" the Doctor said excitedly jumping around.

"but Doctor will that work i mean how do you know it wont harm her even more, and wont increasing the speed of the brain increase her heart rate and the aging process? Vastra asked a bit baffled at the Doctors idea.

"no cause i wont let it because i wont let her die before she's ready to" the Doctor said swiftly turning to Vastra his finger pointed at her.

"Doctor are you sure this will work? i mean maybe you shud test all this first on some sort of animal or something." Jenny suggested

"ahh your right! trials first, Strax i need you so you wont do... Jenny want to volunteer?" the Doctor said with a sly smile

"absolutely not! use a rabbit or something" Vastra quickly intervened stepping between the Doctor and her wife.

"ugh fine then, Strax! get me a rabbit!" the Doctor ordered clearing off a table

"yes sir, what do you suggest sir a grenade or an acid trap to catch the beast?" a hopeful and excited Strax piped up.

"neither Strax'ey, i need the animal alive and completely unharmed, you need to use grace and a soft welcoming touch.. also try a carrot a string a box and a stick, now... go away i need to prepare" the Doctor said pulling out his sonic then running back to the Tardis to quickly check on Clara and grab the necessary supplies.

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